Looking For Love?

I think that what people are looking for is love. Yeah, sure, you say, we knew that. I know you did, and people talk about it all the time. This so-called acceptance of something so basic, beautiful and important in our society can actually have an opposite effect. Oh, sure, love, you say. Whatever. Been there, done that.
But the thing is, hearing so much about love and wisdom and everything actually seems to make us MORE cynical. We think, love is all around, it's so magical, it's all going to be okay. And then we live in a war-torn, poverty-stricken world with hatred and cynicism, and it's all well and good to trust in love, but sometimes we lack evidence of goodness and love.
So we think of it as something great, but at the same time a little too good to be true. And the more we see idealized love stories, we feel that OUR love (or lack thereof) is inadequate--we can never be scripted Hollywood stars with perfect lighting, hair and artfully smudged mascara. We can only read and watch and listen... And sometimes we see perfect (or what we view as perfect, but that's another post) love in pop culture (in the Titanic theme) or in everyday life (our grandparents, or the mother and child we see on the street). (Parentheses will now stop.)
But all in all, we think of love as some far and distant god, or planet, or an unexplored region that we will go to, someday. I guess. But only sort of, because we're very busy, and sometimes we don't really have time or energy to devote to love, because we have jobs and lives that are above--or below, depending on how you look at it--the quest for true love and meaning and the wisdom that allegedly comes with it.
And in the meantime, it makes us uncomfortable. We worry that it will never happen to us, that we are unworthy anyway, that if and when it does happen it will be a distraction from all we've worked for. And that scares us, and so we put it off with big talk and cynicism and pretend we don't care. And hope that eventually not caring will make someone care about us, or make us care about love.
So what can we do? Trapped in a cynical society steeped in fairytale endings and the contradictory hope that we shouldn't care too much, but love and caring is the only thing that can save us? This contradiction is the problem that faces us, but unfortunately it is all around us all the time, and so loses its meaning. When magic and wisdom are all around us, they become the norm, and we fail to recognize them.
I guess all we can really do is try; try to care, try to recognize love when we see it, and cherish it for what it is: simple and good. And we can try to believe, that among all of the other problems that we have to solve, we can solve ourselves, or at least figure out how to figure out ourselves, which might be the actual reason we're here.
And I think that however clichéd it may seem, we have to remind ourselves that among all of our searches and travels and early morning dashes to the supermarket, it's true. We are really only looking for love.

Smile

You would always tell me
That you loved my smile
And
You could live on my smile alone
(I saved the letter so I could see that black and white of your love)
And you didn't understand that
You were the reason for that smile
And I know you were always the
Logical one
I was the dreamer with my smiling face in the clouds
(Even if the clouds were only your shoulder)
So
My logical love
What would you say
If I told you
You're still the reason?
Would you still want to live on my smile
Because
What are you going to live on
Maybe I'm not the only one who's trying to find someone to live on
(Please say yes please say yes yes yes please yes say yes)
Do
You
(I have to ask)
Still want to live on
My smile
Or can you live without it now?

You're Beautiful, Inside and Out. Most of the Time.

With all of the people that I know, have known or are getting to know, I find myself grappling with the idea of beauty. I have always been taught, and believed (or wanted to believe) that everyone is beautiful. And I guess to an extent I do believe this, but it's sometimes hard to think of everyone being equal in terms of beauty. Dictionary.com's first definition for beauty is: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
Well, great. That wasn't very helpful. You see, people can call you beautiful. They can say you're a good person, that you're attractive, that you are a valuable asset to the human race. 
But for most people, that isn't enough. Because there are those who never feel beautiful, those who go through life lacking proof. And there are those who have thinner legs, who have clearer skin, who have smoother hair, and who get more proof of their beauty. Because they fit the traditional image of beauty. But who makes that image? The media, and the celebrities who dictate who wears what, who buys what, and which people are judged as beautiful.
This is a skewed system. Everyone knows it. Little girls (and boys) grow up with these twisted messages. It's like Orwell's Animal Farm. "All people are beautiful, but some are more beautiful than others." 
This can border on hypocrisy. Children are raised to believe that everyone is beautiful, that no matter what you look like, you are good and perfect and attractive. And then it turns out that in fact this is not the case. The world is an unfair place, ideals, morals, and ideas of beauty are skewed, and the most perfect little girls and boys will turn to sometimes untoward methods in order to meet the accepted standards of beauty. 
The fact remains that while parents teach us beautiful, moral things, the world corrupts them. As soon as you are out of the house you learn that while the ideas are nice, they are not particularly realistic. And then the media sets in, and drastically changes your worldview. These rules learned in the cradle no longer apply.
And sure, you're beautiful, sweetie. You really are, and I love you. Don't change for anyone, okay? 
But sometimes you might want to change something about your appearance, because you meet someone who's just a little more beautiful. And someone might love them a little bit more.  

I was going to write an interesting critique. Then I was going to write a poem. Then I was going to write a thoughtful piece on current events.
Who am I kidding? I can't even motivate myself to shower. It feels like an inane, monotonous circle when all you can do is wake up, read, eat, frolic around, and go to sleep. And yes, there is joy. I am not depressed, I do not feel morbid. I am not even particularly thinking about all of the things in the world that actually COULD and SHOULD depress me. I simply can't muster the energy. And for an overachieving busy bee such as yours truly, this makes me feel lazy, stupid and just rather...bad.
Yes, once in a while it is good to be bored. It is good to have nothing to do. It is good to subsist on nothing but leftover Christmas cookies and the anonymous solace of sitting, snowed-in, with a laptop and a cup of tea.
Sometimes boredom is good, but sometimes it just makes you feel yucky and useless. That is the feeling I had. It was not nice.
I just took a shower. Hot water is a magical thing.

Immaculate, signing off. LOVE.

Faith.... ?

What is it like to have faith?
What is it like to think (or know) that there is someone or something out there that is protecting you and loving you and keeping you safe? That there is someone who has a great plan, who hears your prayers (if you pray), who knows your secrets, hopes and dreams?
What is it like to think that there is a greater being/thing/God/Goddess/whatever who thinks that a certain trait is bad? To believe that homosexuality is literally against God? To think that Caucasian people are greater than other races? Or that only those who do not have sex before they are married will go to Heaven when they die?
What is it like to think that your race is right, and that others are wrong? To believe that the religion you practice is the true way, and that all others are wrong, or bad, or against God? To think that those who do not practice your religion are confused, and that you must save them, or they will go to Hell when they die?
What is it like to live all of your life by a set of rules, to follow those rules as well as you can, because you know that you will be rewarded? To have the faith that whatever you do, if you die, God will protect you, and if you die, and have lived a good life, you will be happy when you die, and there is a place of peace waiting for you... To know that everything will turn out right in the end?
What is it like to have faith that having faith will reward you? To have faith that faith will see you through everything? That religion really will save you? That God is, in fact, your copilot?

Sometimes

Sometimes you just wanna go away
Start it over again and
Pretend nothing ever happened it
Was all in your head and
This is the beginning of your new dream
Wanna run through a meadow you've never seen before
Climb a mountain you don't know like the back of your hand
Sing a new song
Smile at someone else who doesn't know
Who you are
Cause you don't know that either
Trade those old boots and the slush and the gray sky for
Somewhere warm and bright and a new pair of shoes
Maybe it's time
For a little more

Does It Really

Does it really
Always feel like you're falling
And flying and
Dancing through the sky
In an upward downward spiral?
Is it always like
This wonderful crazy mess
We just follow and hope for the best because
It's all we know all we want what we need
Is it always a
Baby notice me love me want me
I need this now now now
Falling in love
Falling in life
Falling
Loving
Living
Does it really always feel like this?